By Dean Yeong on January 21, 2016
My parents used to believe we should work hard, really hard, just to survive. Because they believe that one’s destiny was fixed since the day he or she was born. Regardless how hard he or she will try, his/her destiny can never be changed.
**Just to make it clear that never want to carry the beliefs from my parents because they are not aligned with my visions, but I love them for who they are to me.
Fortunately, I never carry on this belief from my parents, not because I’m smart, wise, or different, it’s just that we don’t talk much about life, money and meaning during my young age. By the time I grown up enough to understand meanings about life, I learned them from friends and books.
So, my late teenager age and early adulthood are all about money. I focused so much on how to make more money (so we can be successful and happy, even it’s not always true) because my family always stress the importance of money in life.
I read a ton of books in the topics of money mindset, business management, sales, and marketing. Even though I was not able to apply them (I don’t know how to), I enjoy them. There are a few beliefs I carry till now since then that shape me a lot to who I am today.
Ben, a drug addicts who went sober then get back to it for multiple times who committed in countless crime, get in and out of jail. When asked him why he behave in this way, his answer is because of his father.
“How not to be with a father like that.” His father was a drug addict too.
But what is surprising is that Ben has an older brother, a high achiever of life – a lawyer with a happy family of two kids – Nick. Nick loves his wife and children, taught them principles to do good and live a happy life. When asked him why he behave that way, his answer is same with Ben.
“How not to be with a father like that.”
They were raised by the same parents, live together and grown up together. Butwhy there are so many differences in their life?
That’s because of their belief. Ben believe that it’s not his fault to become a drug addict like his dad since that’s how his dad act.
“My life is doomed with a father like this.” then Ben gave up. Or
“There’s nothing wrong with drug, since my dad was using it too!” Ben might believe this way.
But what happen in Nick’s mind is somehow very different.
“My father is a bad example. I love him, but I will never be him.”
“I will never behave like my father” and
“I MUST have to love my family and bring them joy…” because he wasn’t able to experience those.
Belief is what shape our life and dictate our destiny!
Think of beliefs as a room, and everything in the room is everything you can reach or have, as long as you go and grab it. But you will never get anything outside the room.
If your goals and dreams are bigger than (outside of) your belief, you will spend the whole life to feel disappointed, and thinking that you’re incapable of achieving them. Many are doing these, they want something, but they never believe it’s possible subconsciously.
What we really need to do is to expand our belief. But before that, we need to know how belief works.
Imagine there is a table in front of you, with only 2 legs. What is going to happen? Fall. It will never be able to stable. Now, add one more legs, it gets much stable. Add another one, now it’s a table.
What about adding another 10? It will be really stable, and you can place a heavier object on top of it. That’s exactly how our belief works. The table top is a belief, but what we are not knowing is that we need those pillars/legs to support it, which is the evidence.
Without the shreds of evidence, your belief is just some destructible ideas.
Do you believe you can be run 10km in 30 minutes? Let’s say you don’t for now.
Now, someone on the news did it. You might think: “yea, maybe I can do it too.”, but there is still doubt. But then another 2 of your friends did it, it seem very possible now. So, you give it a try, you did 10km in 27 minutes!
Now you start to believe you can achieve it for sure. Your mind will start to tell yourself: You just need to give it a few more practices, you will indeed complete 10km run in 30 minutes.
“I just need to give it a few more practices, I will indeed complete 10km run in 30 minutes.”
Now you see, that’s how belief forms with pieces of evidence.
That’s how people used to believe that the earth is flat and we’re the center of the solar system. And that’s exactly how those crazy ones believe we will be able to fly one day!
By understanding this idea, you can now have a clearer view of your life and better control to what you’re programming into your head. Below are a few steps to create your dream life with beliefs.
There is a saying stated that we’re the average of the 5 persons we hang out the most. No one really explains why that happen. What really happen is that these 5 persons are the evidence for any beliefs you have. Regardless it’s good or bad.
Find a few life role models, get to know them. Use their stories and experiences to prove some of your beliefs are not as true as you think, then form new beliefs that lead yourself to your most desirable goals.